Hello. My name is Tim (or Jack) and I went to Goa. I had an adventure, In the jungle no less.
So they called the place Goa Jungle Adventure. Relevant I'll grant you, but not exactly imaginative. Not exactly snappy either.
Still. They did have a big fucking spider front-&-centre just to ease you into things:
If she doesn't look that large do please remember that this is India, everything takes the natural equivalent of anabolic steroids from birth and leaves are very, very big here. Banana leaves average about 5-6 feet long, for example. Those leaves are big. So was the damned spider *shudders*
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I tried to look cool during the day, but it rarely works even on the ground, let alone halfway up into the canopy. Okay, I gotta come clean here: it really was not a jungle, by any stretch of the imagination. You could see the floor for one thing, plus there was only one deadly creature in sight - and we were there more than 2 hours! Not a proper jungle at all, hence, no canopy. I lied to you. This was only about 15, maybe 20 feet above the ground. Oh well, at least you lot can have a good old laugh about my ponderous and sagging beer belly:
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And here, in an exclusive scoop, is proof that all men think alike. Yes, it's true, you crazed feminists have been right all along; what us men can't help thinking about is: - olive green jungle shorts.
Yup, you heard it here first. Without any prior consultation all 4 people all decided not only to first purchase such leg cladding, but also all thought it most appropriate for a day climbing ropes and sliding down cables.
Men eh? They're all the same.
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At least we help each other in times of need despite obviously clashing so badly: I missed my cue on one of the ziplines and, after smashing into the mat at about 80mph in a very arse-about-face fashion I was unable to secure a position i.e. I fumbled the catch, and drifted back down the line. Left dangling there it was inevitable the other guys were tempted to leave - I was completely helpless attached to the middle of a huge wire and couldn't realistically undo any of the gear. This would be the one line that doesn't have a rope strung along beside it either of course, so poor old Greg had to come and physically drag my lovely boots and me along the line, and sort of swing-throw me by the foot the last few metres. Needless to say, I almost lost my leg below the knee:
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Now I don't mean to be too critical, it was a few hours of good fun, but hardly as death-defying as was advertised. Oh well - T.I.I. - That Is India and I should have remembered it, in fact it was the instructor Gene who mentioned that some time on that day. See, I guess one good thing comes out of watching Blood Diamond half a million sodding times - we have a new catchphrase!
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Because I already have them I may as well bore you further with these last few pictures - just a few random instances of me being taller than everyone else in a treetops/rope/harness/overweightEnglishman kinda way:
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It's okay, the next batch are all pretty beach scenes and what few pictures I got of the animal life around Palolem. There's a big toad, and several cows. No snakes sadly, although one did fall one me a few days ago.
I tell you about it later.